ugly people sure do ruin things
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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