I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
