good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
