At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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