so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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