are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
