farters have to be the big spoon...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
