you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
