I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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