Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
