One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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