the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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