I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is wine microwaveable?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
