Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
