If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
