Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
