I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm too high and old for this...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
