there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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