Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
