I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
