Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
