so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
People in love make me want to vomit
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
