It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
