Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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