Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize