She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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