i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
