She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
