there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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