"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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