He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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