How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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