On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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