gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
