after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
