your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
