I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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