so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
