Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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