How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
