I want to walk on stilts...naked
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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