had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
