i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
