I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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