i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We are two peas in an std pod
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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