dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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