My nipple is on Facebook.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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