Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
