Moan for me like Helen Keller
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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