No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
