Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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