I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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