I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
