The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
