It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
