After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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