Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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