i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
