just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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