He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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