I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
