Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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