He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
