Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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Every concussion has its silver lining
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
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You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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