Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
