; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
