Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
