dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
