the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
