I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
