Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
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YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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