i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
