Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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