What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
